F is for Family

Family, home, travel, life

The Great Balancing Act: 2 kids, 2 locations

I started this post yesterday morning even before I knew where the day would lead. Anticipation of juggling an energetic toddler at home while making sure to spend time at the bedside of a brand new baby in intensive care weighed heavily on me from the moment I woke up. 

We started our Saturday with breakfast as a family as usual. Jonathan and I set a game plan for the day. He’d take the ball full of energy to burn off steam at the local play place and bring her back for lunch and nap while went to the NICU with our little boy. We’d meet up at the hospital in the afternoon and be home for an early evening after visiting baby Jackson as a family.
I should know by now that the best laid plans are really just ticking time bombs. My Mom drove me to the hospital and while in route I felt a little off. My thought was I may not have taken my pain medication and vitamins with enough food. I don’t typically do well with iron multivitamins unless I’ve had plenty to eat. I figured it would pass. 
I arrived at Jackson’s bedside and still felt a little strange. We had our first attempt at breast feeding with the lactation consultant and he did great! It was such a fantastic milestone. I held him for the next little bit and we finished his full feed by bottle.
This is when the day took a turn for the worst. I began feeling flush and nauseous. Next thing I know, I end up in triage because I’ve somehow picked up a stomach bug. By the time we get home, I’m running 101.6 temp, I’m in bed and now Jonathan is trying to take care of me and Sofia.
She, at this point, just wants to play with Mommy since she hasn’t seen me all day and doesn’t understand why she has to stay away. This has already been a bit of a confusing transition for her and this added to her stress. What is normally a few minutes for bedtime turned into an hour and 45 minutes of screaming at the top of her lungs despite attempts to soothe her and put her back in bed or letting her scream. 
There’s no other time when I wish I could be in two different places at the same time, or honestly three different places. One sick in bed, one playing with my toddler and bedside with my newborn son. It will be at least 24 hours until I’m allowed back to the NICU, it breaks my heart to be away that long but it would kill me to pass something on to him. 
This adds a new dimension to the great NICU/home balancing act. 

The Great Balancing Act: 2 kids, 2 locations

I started this post yesterday morning even before I knew where the day would lead. Anticipation of juggling an energetic toddler at home while making sure to spend time at the bedside of a brand new baby in intensive care weighed heavily on me from the moment I woke up. 

We started our Saturday with breakfast as a family as usual. Jonathan and I set a game plan for the day. He’d take the ball full of energy to burn off steam at the local play place and bring her back for lunch and nap while went to the NICU with our little boy. We’d meet up at the hospital in the afternoon and be home for an early evening after visiting baby Jackson as a family.
I should know by now that the best laid plans are really just ticking time bombs. My Mom drove me to the hospital and while in route I felt a little off. My thought was I may not have taken my pain medication and vitamins with enough food. I don’t typically do well with iron multivitamins unless I’ve had plenty to eat. I figured it would pass. 
I arrived at Jackson’s bedside and still felt a little strange. We had our first attempt at breast feeding with the lactation consultant and he did great! It was such a fantastic milestone. I held him for the next little bit and we finished his full feed by bottle.
This is when the day took a turn for the worst. I began feeling flush and nauseous. Next thing I know, I end up in triage because I’ve somehow picked up a stomach bug. By the time we get home, I’m running 101.6 temp, I’m in bed and now Jonathan is trying to take care of me and Sofia.
She, at this point, just wants to play with Mommy since she hasn’t seen me all day and doesn’t understand why she has to stay away. This has already been a bit of a confusing transition for her and this added to her stress. What is normally a few minutes for bedtime turned into an hour and 45 minutes of screaming at the top of her lungs despite attempts to soothe her and put her back in bed or letting her scream. 
There’s no other time when I wish I could be in two different places at the same time, or honestly three different places. One sick in bed, one playing with my toddler and bedside with my newborn son. It will be at least 24 hours until I’m allowed back to the NICU, it breaks my heart to be away that long but it would kill me to pass something on to him. 
This adds a new dimension to the great NICU/home balancing act. 

The Great Balancing Act: 2 kids, 2 locations

I started this post yesterday morning even before I knew where the day would lead. Anticipation of juggling an energetic toddler at home while making sure to spend time at the bedside of a brand new baby in intensive care weighed heavily on me from the moment I woke up. 

We started our Saturday with breakfast as a family as usual. Jonathan and I set a game plan for the day. He’d take the ball full of energy to burn off steam at the local play place and bring her back for lunch and nap while went to the NICU with our little boy. We’d meet up at the hospital in the afternoon and be home for an early evening after visiting baby Jackson as a family.
I should know by now that the best laid plans are really just ticking time bombs. My Mom drove me to the hospital and while in route I felt a little off. My thought was I may not have taken my pain medication and vitamins with enough food. I don’t typically do well with iron multivitamins unless I’ve had plenty to eat. I figured it would pass. 
I arrived at Jackson’s bedside and still felt a little strange. We had our first attempt at breast feeding with the lactation consultant and he did great! It was such a fantastic milestone. I held him for the next little bit and we finished his full feed by bottle.
This is when the day took a turn for the worst. I began feeling flush and nauseous. Next thing I know, I end up in triage because I’ve somehow picked up a stomach bug. By the time we get home, I’m running 101.6 temp, I’m in bed and now Jonathan is trying to take care of me and Sofia.
She, at this point, just wants to play with Mommy since she hasn’t seen me all day and doesn’t understand why she has to stay away. This has already been a bit of a confusing transition for her and this added to her stress. What is normally a few minutes for bedtime turned into an hour and 45 minutes of screaming at the top of her lungs despite attempts to soothe her and put her back in bed or letting her scream. 
There’s no other time when I wish I could be in two different places at the same time, or honestly three different places. One sick in bed, one playing with my toddler and bedside with my newborn son. It will be at least 24 hours until I’m allowed back to the NICU, it breaks my heart to be away that long but it would kill me to pass something on to him. 
This adds a new dimension to the great NICU/home balancing act. 

My Breakout Day and Day 5

Day 4 was discharge day and was by the afternoon had turned fairly chaotic. There have been some members of the family who haven’t been feeling 100% and this Mama was concerned that some post op aches and pains may be a sign of more than just surgery side effects. The OB agreed that because the flu was making it’s rounds through the hospital it was important to run a swab just in case. 

This small decision held the fate of my discharge in it’s hands and took over 5hrs for the results to be returned. The it was a hustle to get everything together when the results came back negative. Oh, how could I forget we hadn’t quite come to a 100% decision on a name and had to turn our Birth Certificate in before discharge.
We sat down, finally made a decision and turned in our sheet officially naming baby boy…Jackson! 
As we were tiring up loose ends and getting everything ready for the car, we made one more visit to our little guy before heading out. He had made such huge strides but did get moved back into an isolette because he was struggling to hold his temps but was still looking great on his oxygen levels and was being very consistent with tolerating his feeds. It was a good day in the NICU! Now it was time to get home to Big Sister and it was already close to 6pm.
We got in the car and pulled off. This is where I lost my composure. I had been focusing on the excitement of getting home to my baby girl but the reality that this meant I had to leave my baby boy behind was overwhelming. Deep down I know this won’t be the marathon NICU stay we’ve experienced in the past but leaving the hospital with things and leaving behind such an important part of you, in the hands of strangers…highly skilled strangers but strangers nonetheless…is devastating.

We came home to balloons and flowers, homemade food and lactation cookies and the most heartfelt NICU care package. It’s so helpful to be surrounded by the support of family and friends on such a difficult day. Our care package from a fellow NICU mama  (Jackie from The Cronin Connection  http://croninconnectionblog.blogspot.com/) included a personalized box with Jackson’s name, a tee shirt for the little guy and big sister, hand sanitizer and lotion, a camera to leave at the bedside in the NICU for nurses to take pictures while we are gone and a framed picture of the first time Jackson and I did “kangaroo” care together. It was exactly what I needed in that moment and I’m so grateful for those simple little items and most importantly the thought that went into them. 


Day 5 we oke up and went into our first return day to the NICU and got some great news about progress! They lowered the oxygen levels to 2L of flow on the cannula and raised his feeds to “full feeds” which is 30mls (1ounce) every 3 hours. The meant the were able to cap off and discontinue the lipids and vitamins being administered via IV. This makes us very happy because his most recent IV spot is in his scalp which we are more than ready to see that be removed. If he tolerates his feeds we may be able to start bottle feeding by tomorrow which is a huge step closer to going home! We also need this little guy to start holding his temperature on his own. He’s currently down to 4lbs9oz after a 1/2 ounce gain on day 4. We need to see that number start climbing as well. 

But all in all, fantastic news for our little champ!

My Breakout Day and Day 5

Day 4 was discharge day and was by the afternoon had turned fairly chaotic. There have been some members of the family who haven’t been feeling 100% and this Mama was concerned that some post op aches and pains may be a sign of more than just surgery side effects. The OB agreed that because the flu was making it’s rounds through the hospital it was important to run a swab just in case. 

This small decision held the fate of my discharge in it’s hands and took over 5hrs for the results to be returned. The it was a hustle to get everything together when the results came back negative. Oh, how could I forget we hadn’t quite come to a 100% decision on a name and had to turn our Birth Certificate in before discharge.
We sat down, finally made a decision and turned in our sheet officially naming baby boy…Jackson! 
As we were tiring up loose ends and getting everything ready for the car, we made one more visit to our little guy before heading out. He had made such huge strides but did get moved back into an isolette because he was struggling to hold his temps but was still looking great on his oxygen levels and was being very consistent with tolerating his feeds. It was a good day in the NICU! Now it was time to get home to Big Sister and it was already close to 6pm.
We got in the car and pulled off. This is where I lost my composure. I had been focusing on the excitement of getting home to my baby girl but the reality that this meant I had to leave my baby boy behind was overwhelming. Deep down I know this won’t be the marathon NICU stay we’ve experienced in the past but leaving the hospital with things and leaving behind such an important part of you, in the hands of strangers…highly skilled strangers but strangers nonetheless…is devastating.

We came home to balloons and flowers, homemade food and lactation cookies and the most heartfelt NICU care package. It’s so helpful to be surrounded by the support of family and friends on such a difficult day. Our care package from a fellow NICU mama  (Jackie from The Cronin Connection  http://croninconnectionblog.blogspot.com/) included a personalized box with Jackson’s name, a tee shirt for the little guy and big sister, hand sanitizer and lotion, a camera to leave at the bedside in the NICU for nurses to take pictures while we are gone and a framed picture of the first time Jackson and I did “kangaroo” care together. It was exactly what I needed in that moment and I’m so grateful for those simple little items and most importantly the thought that went into them. 


Day 5 we oke up and went into our first return day to the NICU and got some great news about progress! They lowered the oxygen levels to 2L of flow on the cannula and raised his feeds to “full feeds” which is 30mls (1ounce) every 3 hours. The meant the were able to cap off and discontinue the lipids and vitamins being administered via IV. This makes us very happy because his most recent IV spot is in his scalp which we are more than ready to see that be removed. If he tolerates his feeds we may be able to start bottle feeding by tomorrow which is a huge step closer to going home! We also need this little guy to start holding his temperature on his own. He’s currently down to 4lbs9oz after a 1/2 ounce gain on day 4. We need to see that number start climbing as well. 

But all in all, fantastic news for our little champ!

My Breakout Day and Day 5

Day 4 was discharge day and was by the afternoon had turned fairly chaotic. There have been some members of the family who haven’t been feeling 100% and this Mama was concerned that some post op aches and pains may be a sign of more than just surgery side effects. The OB agreed that because the flu was making it’s rounds through the hospital it was important to run a swab just in case. 

This small decision held the fate of my discharge in it’s hands and took over 5hrs for the results to be returned. The it was a hustle to get everything together when the results came back negative. Oh, how could I forget we hadn’t quite come to a 100% decision on a name and had to turn our Birth Certificate in before discharge.
We sat down, finally made a decision and turned in our sheet officially naming baby boy…Jackson! 
As we were tiring up loose ends and getting everything ready for the car, we made one more visit to our little guy before heading out. He had made such huge strides but did get moved back into an isolette because he was struggling to hold his temps but was still looking great on his oxygen levels and was being very consistent with tolerating his feeds. It was a good day in the NICU! Now it was time to get home to Big Sister and it was already close to 6pm.
We got in the car and pulled off. This is where I lost my composure. I had been focusing on the excitement of getting home to my baby girl but the reality that this meant I had to leave my baby boy behind was overwhelming. Deep down I know this won’t be the marathon NICU stay we’ve experienced in the past but leaving the hospital with things and leaving behind such an important part of you, in the hands of strangers…highly skilled strangers but strangers nonetheless…is devastating.

We came home to balloons and flowers, homemade food and lactation cookies and the most heartfelt NICU care package. It’s so helpful to be surrounded by the support of family and friends on such a difficult day. Our care package from a fellow NICU mama  (Jackie from The Cronin Connection  http://croninconnectionblog.blogspot.com/) included a personalized box with Jackson’s name, a tee shirt for the little guy and big sister, hand sanitizer and lotion, a camera to leave at the bedside in the NICU for nurses to take pictures while we are gone and a framed picture of the first time Jackson and I did “kangaroo” care together. It was exactly what I needed in that moment and I’m so grateful for those simple little items and most importantly the thought that went into them. 


Day 5 we oke up and went into our first return day to the NICU and got some great news about progress! They lowered the oxygen levels to 2L of flow on the cannula and raised his feeds to “full feeds” which is 30mls (1ounce) every 3 hours. The meant the were able to cap off and discontinue the lipids and vitamins being administered via IV. This makes us very happy because his most recent IV spot is in his scalp which we are more than ready to see that be removed. If he tolerates his feeds we may be able to start bottle feeding by tomorrow which is a huge step closer to going home! We also need this little guy to start holding his temperature on his own. He’s currently down to 4lbs9oz after a 1/2 ounce gain on day 4. We need to see that number start climbing as well. 

But all in all, fantastic news for our little champ!

Throwback Thursday: Getting Past the Past

Sofia is now 20 months old, almost 20.5 months and sometimes it feels like an eternity since we walked out of that NICU. I’ve been thinking a lot about our experience in its entirety over the past few weeks, from finding out we were pregnant, through the crazy pregnancy and Sofia’s emotional birth. We are pretty close to the 2 year mark so the questions start coming a little more regularly…when are you going to try for #2? Thinking about trying soon? Just by nature the more you are asked the more you ask yourself, the more I ask my husband. We’ve even turned the question to Sofia. Sofie, what do you think about a brother? Her response, “Bruder”? It almost always comes back as a question. Ironic, really.
So, we talk and discuss. Is it the right time, can we afford it, are we ready? Pretty typical. Sofia’s almost two, logically, if we start trying now, by the time we have a baby she’ll be almost three or just past her third birthday…right? I mean theoretically, babies take 10 months to grow but what happens when the last one barely took over 6 months?! How do you not think about that? How do you choose a new Doctor and not consider the level NICU they are associated with? Will this NICU be as good? Sure, I had my surgery. This was my safe guard. Remove the fibroid tumors, they were most likely the issue. But what if they weren’t? I asked this to the OB who performed the surgery. He said, “We’ll find out next pregnancy”. It was a statement of fact, no sugar coating, no hemming and hawing, just a statement.
I’ve come to realize that even though the first pregnancy was riddled in the unknown and “what ifs” of being a first time pregnancy, another pregnancy may be tainted with past experience, compounded with how it will effect baby #1. I feel our NICU experience made me stronger as a mother, my bond with her is surreal. My patience, on most days, because let’s face it, she’s a toddler and they are crazy, runs deeper than I could imagine. As far as NICU stays, I feel it was a positive journey. But how to you leave it behind? How do you keep your past experience from defining your future? How do you stop being a NICU Mom when you are ready to become a Mom again?
I had no clue the path we would be on when that first pregnancy test flashed with a confirmation of a new adventure. I didn’t know the lessons Sofia would teach me in her very first moments of life, lessons in perseverance, strength and faith. All I can do is follow her lead. Be in awe of each new experience and draw strength from faith. I have to learn to give up my analyzing and have faith that the next adventure will present itself as it is intended. I hope I can live in the moment of that new confirmation and just think of it as a NEW adventure, a NEW journey…

Throwback Thursday: Getting Past the Past

Sofia is now 20 months old, almost 20.5 months and sometimes it feels like an eternity since we walked out of that NICU. I’ve been thinking a lot about our experience in its entirety over the past few weeks, from finding out we were pregnant, through the crazy pregnancy and Sofia’s emotional birth. We are pretty close to the 2 year mark so the questions start coming a little more regularly…when are you going to try for #2? Thinking about trying soon? Just by nature the more you are asked the more you ask yourself, the more I ask my husband. We’ve even turned the question to Sofia. Sofie, what do you think about a brother? Her response, “Bruder”? It almost always comes back as a question. Ironic, really.
So, we talk and discuss. Is it the right time, can we afford it, are we ready? Pretty typical. Sofia’s almost two, logically, if we start trying now, by the time we have a baby she’ll be almost three or just past her third birthday…right? I mean theoretically, babies take 10 months to grow but what happens when the last one barely took over 6 months?! How do you not think about that? How do you choose a new Doctor and not consider the level NICU they are associated with? Will this NICU be as good? Sure, I had my surgery. This was my safe guard. Remove the fibroid tumors, they were most likely the issue. But what if they weren’t? I asked this to the OB who performed the surgery. He said, “We’ll find out next pregnancy”. It was a statement of fact, no sugar coating, no hemming and hawing, just a statement.
I’ve come to realize that even though the first pregnancy was riddled in the unknown and “what ifs” of being a first time pregnancy, another pregnancy may be tainted with past experience, compounded with how it will effect baby #1. I feel our NICU experience made me stronger as a mother, my bond with her is surreal. My patience, on most days, because let’s face it, she’s a toddler and they are crazy, runs deeper than I could imagine. As far as NICU stays, I feel it was a positive journey. But how to you leave it behind? How do you keep your past experience from defining your future? How do you stop being a NICU Mom when you are ready to become a Mom again?
I had no clue the path we would be on when that first pregnancy test flashed with a confirmation of a new adventure. I didn’t know the lessons Sofia would teach me in her very first moments of life, lessons in perseverance, strength and faith. All I can do is follow her lead. Be in awe of each new experience and draw strength from faith. I have to learn to give up my analyzing and have faith that the next adventure will present itself as it is intended. I hope I can live in the moment of that new confirmation and just think of it as a NEW adventure, a NEW journey…

Throwback Thursday: Getting Past the Past

Sofia is now 20 months old, almost 20.5 months and sometimes it feels like an eternity since we walked out of that NICU. I’ve been thinking a lot about our experience in its entirety over the past few weeks, from finding out we were pregnant, through the crazy pregnancy and Sofia’s emotional birth. We are pretty close to the 2 year mark so the questions start coming a little more regularly…when are you going to try for #2? Thinking about trying soon? Just by nature the more you are asked the more you ask yourself, the more I ask my husband. We’ve even turned the question to Sofia. Sofie, what do you think about a brother? Her response, “Bruder”? It almost always comes back as a question. Ironic, really.
So, we talk and discuss. Is it the right time, can we afford it, are we ready? Pretty typical. Sofia’s almost two, logically, if we start trying now, by the time we have a baby she’ll be almost three or just past her third birthday…right? I mean theoretically, babies take 10 months to grow but what happens when the last one barely took over 6 months?! How do you not think about that? How do you choose a new Doctor and not consider the level NICU they are associated with? Will this NICU be as good? Sure, I had my surgery. This was my safe guard. Remove the fibroid tumors, they were most likely the issue. But what if they weren’t? I asked this to the OB who performed the surgery. He said, “We’ll find out next pregnancy”. It was a statement of fact, no sugar coating, no hemming and hawing, just a statement.
I’ve come to realize that even though the first pregnancy was riddled in the unknown and “what ifs” of being a first time pregnancy, another pregnancy may be tainted with past experience, compounded with how it will effect baby #1. I feel our NICU experience made me stronger as a mother, my bond with her is surreal. My patience, on most days, because let’s face it, she’s a toddler and they are crazy, runs deeper than I could imagine. As far as NICU stays, I feel it was a positive journey. But how to you leave it behind? How do you keep your past experience from defining your future? How do you stop being a NICU Mom when you are ready to become a Mom again?
I had no clue the path we would be on when that first pregnancy test flashed with a confirmation of a new adventure. I didn’t know the lessons Sofia would teach me in her very first moments of life, lessons in perseverance, strength and faith. All I can do is follow her lead. Be in awe of each new experience and draw strength from faith. I have to learn to give up my analyzing and have faith that the next adventure will present itself as it is intended. I hope I can live in the moment of that new confirmation and just think of it as a NEW adventure, a NEW journey…

Day 48: Mommy & Baby Week

Daddy is out of town this week on business so Sofia and I have had a lot of 1-on-1 time. She has been doing really well. Today she was reduced to .25L of flow and tolerated it well, she is really getting stronger each and every day. Her only issue is nutrition at this point. Weight gain has been up and down with a loss of 30 grams, followed by a gain of 70 and another loss of 10, all equaling out to 3lbs1oz tonight. We are looking for much more consistency. Guess it’s a meeting with the Doc tomorrow!

I sat by her bedside for a little while this afternoon and just watched her as she moved her hands in her sleep and stirred to wake up. She peeked her little eyes open and closed them a few times and laid there content in her isolette. It’s her little bubble. It’s warm, it muffles noise, covered in a quilt it’s dark and no one goes in to touch her without Purell or gloves. She’s used to it and so am I. She’s protected, she’s safe in her little fishbowl. I know she’s being monitored and free from stresses and noise and all I could think while watching is this perfect little environment is temporary and she doesn’t even know change is coming.

Her next “graduated” step is to an open air crib. This means she will be open to bright lights, noise and the bustle of nurses and visitors, monitor
alarms and other babies crying. She’ll have no space to escape the chaos. I know she’ll hate that and I hate it for her.

I won’t be there to rock her at 3am if her surroundings scare her. I can’t shield her eyes all day if she’s bothered by the lights. These are the little NICU nuances that are hard to handle even when the clinical things are going well. But this is only the beginning. There is a day in the not too distant future where we’ll leave the NICU.
That scares me more than being away from her. We’ve all been sheltered in this experience. All visitors scrub in like surgeons for 3 minutes before entering rooms with these tiny little ones. They have the best doctors and nurses watching each breath they take. Soon we are on our own. No more gloves. No more scrubbing in. She’ll be out in the open, the real world…no more bubble. Maybe when you leave the hospital with baby in tow, still in a haze of endorphins just 48 hours after delivery it might not sink in, or maybe it does. All I know is having time to anticipate each step is enough to throw paranoia into overdrive. Maybe I shouldn’t worry for her and her ability to adapt, maybe it’s me who I think will have the real struggle.

Michael’s AD