I’ve debated hitting on this topic, it’s somewhat controversial, possibly, and definitely more taboo to speak about but marriage is tough. I know, you’ve heard that before. It’s even harder with kids. And if you work full time, the difficulty augments even more. You balance your children, your career, your home and oh yea, your marriage. It sadly seems to fall in that order.
A few months back, I read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg. I highly recommend it to all the working Moms out there. Some of it seemed incredibly relatable right off the bat. She mentions that to be a successful business woman and mother, it’s necessary for husbands to be just as involved with children and house work as women. That makes sense; it’s exactly how life worked when Sofia was born, even before to honest. My husband is an amazing cook, he has no problem cleaning dishes or floors, he does bath time more often than I do, he even blow dries Sofia’s hair before bed!
Then we had Jackson and things were SOP when I went back to work. If I cooked, he did dishes, if he got dinner together, I cleaned dishes. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, we were just out of sync. I was breastfeeding the baby over night, the baby who never slept…EVER! And he seemed to sleep right through this even though we both had to be up for work the next day. I was getting frustrated and he was getting to sleep! Or so the imbalance seemed in my sleep deprived fog. The more I felt that I was taking on the load of childrearing, the more I seemed to silently take on more pick-ups, drop-offs, dinner planning, grocery shopping and this led to more frustration in our relationship.
I ended up overhearing someone quote Sandberg about being equal partners in the home and it dawned on me that we had gotten away from a philosophy that had worked so well for us even before kids. I also realized that I probably hadn’t even verbalized my issues. We had a lunch together where we were finally honest about what the issues truly were and I can say that after talking, we were much more “normal” (if you know us, there is no normal in this house) and back in sync. (I said *NSync..hehe )
A sorority sister and blogger friend at This Hard Calling, recently mentioned in a status update about her and her husbands’ anniversary, that they had been through so much over the years, good and bad and at times she questioned if she had married the “right” person. We are always told to be careful to choose “Mr. Right” as if, the alternative means he’s”Mr. Wrong”. She continued by admitting that she realized that, in fact, she had married someone just as human and flawed as herself. Her statement was raw, honest and open. It immediately made me stop and reflect on my relationship and the dynamics involved in being married with children. It has inspired me to be more aware of our marriage and take more responsibility for myself as a component of that relationship.
So, I have to give a big thank you to my husband for being a hard working man and father but for also being a kick ass laundry folder, an amazing cook, our household Chief Financial Officer, handling bath time like a boss and blow drying toddler hair, for letting me be crazy about car seats, holistic medicine options, Kombucha, occasionally cloth diapering, being relentless about early childhood education and being *semi* tolerant of my free range parenting even though you are a helicopter parent. But most of all thank you for being an equal partner inside the home and with our children.
Thank you for the patience of learning to “Lean In” to this crazy life along side of me.
