If you Google “Why are toddlers so”, the first thing that pops up is annoying. Because that’s what comes to people’s minds first when they are dealing with toddlers. They feel like a loud, busy toddler must be trying to be disruptive or they are being bad.
I think every parent has had a moment where they have a screaming or epically busy toddler on their hand in either a public place or around other people who don’t have children. You’ve felt the “judging” looks and you may have even had the “wow, she/he’s a handful” with the inference that either your child is an out of control lunatic or you’re a bad parent.
But here’s a secret…their not and you’re not.
That’s right, I said it. There isn’t a darn thing wrong with your loud, energetic, emotional, busy toddler. It is not a lack of disciplined parenting, it’s not because you are the world’s worst mother. It’s because they are LEARNING and you are still guiding them through their emotions and how to live in society. And you know what? It takes time, years even. I know grown adults who still have some learning to do in this particular arena.
Five reasons your “annoying” toddler is actually amazing! And some ways to help deal with those reasons.
1. Your Child Has Emotions:
If you haven’t seen Inside Out yet, you should! If you have, you’ve enjoyed an animated peek into why emotions are pretty essential to growing up. All of them…Anger, Joy, Sadness. Well, our children are learning what those mean. Even adults have trouble communicating their emotions. That’s why we fight with one another, right? When Sofia was in Occupational Therapy they recommended avoiding timeouts early on. They said they wouldn’t help curb emotional outbursts. They recommended practicing emotions and talk about what that meant.
Making It More Awesome:
What worked best for us was pretend play while “talking” about emotions. I used parenthesis because we started before Sofia was fully verbal. We would say, “Show me a mad” face. And say, “we feel mad when Mommy says ‘no’, right?” Sofia still loves playing this game. We use our Express It! Buddy and he comes with situational cards and now we talk about all the different emotions. It doesn’t eradicate all tantrums but boy does it help!
2. Your Child Is Learning:
I think if we read Richard Scarry’s “Building A New Road” one more time, my husband may lose his mind! But it’s actually a GOOD thing for Sofia and Jackson when things are done in repetition. This article on The Bump explains it best. We may be going crazy but these little minds are actually picking up on new things each and every time. Think about how much you love to watch your favorite movie on repeat!
Making It More Awesome:
Like The Bump suggests, focus on the experience. Don’t think of it as a chore, think of it as a game. Reading the same story over and over, I let Sofia fill in the end of a sentence or purposely mess up the words so she corrects me. I’ll have her practice sounding words out or ask her to find things in the picture. Like my Mom says, “this too shall pass” and when it does we will miss it.
3. One Day They’ll Be Executives:
If you work on a team with someone who is “persistent” or a “go-getter” that’s a good thing! It had to start somewhere. What we may see in a toddler as “hard headed” or “ornery” is actually a trait that will do well for them as they get older. So before you hang your head in shame over your “bossy” little tot, just remember they are just expressing they’re “Executive Level Decision Making Skills”!
Making It More Awesome:
This article at BabyCenter’s website says to avoid labels like “stubborn” and “exhausting” and look at them from the positive. They are just being “persistent” and “energetic”. Try playing games where they can flex some of those “bossy” muscles and learn to control them. Play a game of Simon Says where they have to follow directions some times and where they can give directions on their turn.
4. They Are Natural Born Explorers;
Kids aren’t built to sit still. The Washington Post studied this on Middle Schoolers. That’s over the age of 10! If they aren’t supposed to do it, a three year old definitely isn’t! Shoot, even adults aren’t built to sit still. I can tell you my conference call attention span is about 20 minutes tops until I start to drift. Kids are no different. Your little tot might be a major wiggle worm but kids learn and explore with their whole body. They want to experience new things and old with their whole being.
Making It More Awesome: Toddlers love to be given jobs. So when a super busy toddler just can’t seem to entertain themselves, set them up with a job. Make them a real life explorer withToddler Binoculars and ask them to hunt for missing game pieces or count the number of lizards they see or sort/collect leaves or Sofia’s favorite, clean rocks! They will think they have a purpose and you will get a little break from wrangling them.
5. Toddlers Aren’t Big Yet: But whatever you do, don’t tell them that! This is more awesome for us than them but they really are more baby than the “big kid” they think they are. They have the rest of their life to be boring and respectful. Right now their job is to be silly and needy. They are learning to think for themselves, that’s why they question everything. It’s our time to teach them how to hone that skill to be independent and strong not to break that spirit. The world will have plenty of time to try to do that for us.
Making It More Awesome:
Just remember, we don’t have to deal with big problems yet. No broken hearts, no waiting to be asked to prom. We don’t have to think about them behind the wheel. They are in a crazy stage but it’s just a moment.
I don’t want the child who sits quietly just by my side and doesn’t make a peep. That child isn’t learning the way my TWO VERY BUSY children are. I was a shy child, my daughter is not. I hope she holds on to that confidence as long as she can. My son is determined when he gets his mind set on something! I hope that drive leads him to climb as high as he wants in life. To all those Moms who don’t have the perfectly behaved, quite, obedient children…you have the dreamers, the explorers and the leaders. We are the lucky ones.
