Today is 25 weeks 5 days…the furthest I’ve made it in 2 pregnancies. Each day from here on out is uncharted territory. It’s the first time taking a glucose test, first time we’ll hit the 3rd trimester and God willing, first time to full term. The old full term that is, not the new 39 week full term definition. I can’t wait for all the new firsts of this pregnancy. I have pictures of this little guys big sister to really show me where he is developmentally.
With the unknown comes some fear. An excited, fear, more anxiousness. The biggest of which is whether I’ll be able to bond the same way with this little boy. When you think you may lose something, you hang on tight, you drown yourself in every second and moment that becomes available. My micro preemie had my undivided attention, my every waking thought. Can I give all that to someone when I still have someone else who needs me?
After 3 months in the hospital, I spent 3 months home with Sofia before going back to work. If I make it full term, I get a disappointingly short 8 weeks. Is it enough? Will we have “enough” time together? I hope to keep this in my mind, to spend my moments with him engaged and savor them with the same conviction I had with Sofia. I know that each child gives us a new level, a new depth…I wait, patiently, for what he will teach me and how his love will change me.
Super sweet. You are one amazing Mama!!